Grieving Divorce

The original title of this article was, “Divorce feels like death.” Honestly, divorce may be worse than death. Divorce is the tearing apart of two that have become one flesh, and I am not sure that it is possible for either party to leave whole. I am reminded of what Jesus says in Matthew 19:6, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” I don’t think I could relate to this more than I do right now.

I miss my bride, my friend, and my lover. What we had wasn’t perfect, but it was worth working on and it was getting better the longer we were married. At this point I can’t say that I even understand anymore why divorce is the path we are on. Its like all communication has been cut off – there has been severance in our relationship. Satan has won by taking the pen in our minds and writing a narrative of lies about each other, and our contribution has been the unwillingness to communicate and listen to understand. We are guilty of not seeing each other the way Christ sees each of us.

Sydnie and I are not divorced legally divorced yet, but I can honestly say that our relationship has died.
I have reached a point where I honestly just want nothing more than just to hear her laugh and be happy again. I miss seeing the joy in my wife’s eyes and hearing it in her voice. I miss coming home to my bride being at the door waiting for me. The hardest part of divorce is remembering all the good memories… like I said. It feels like death. Maybe the death of this old marriage will be the seed to the life of a new one. At minimum, I can tell you that it has fostered an insane amount of personal growth in my life.

Trust me when I say that the only thing standing between you and an extraordinary marriage is your own unwillingness to learn or change. This was true in my life for too long. BUT GOD, being rich in mercy will allows us to go through the fire until the impurities are burned out. Below I am going to share with you some of the practical ways I am dealing with healing from grief. I hope that you will consider what the application of these things looks like in your own life:

Deeper intimacy with Jesus. I can honestly say that I am an apprentice of Jesus now. The lens through which I operate now is so different than before. Previously I was concerned with looking good, appearing wealthy and healthy to the world. The Lord has totally flipped that on its head and now I have quality time with THE KING on a daily basis that I never had before. The secret place with Jesus has become a familiar place of comfort and hope. If you haven’t found your secret place I encourage you to look for it.

I am doing things daily that make me happy and joyful. I took the time to write out 20 things that make me happy so I can do 1-2 of those things on a daily basis. Could be something as simple as getting coffee with a friend, working out, or doing a hobby. Having something to look forward to each day has dramatically affected my ability to be joyful.

Writing has helped a lot too. Its almost as if the words flowing out of me is the emptying of myself, allowing me to leave the pain on paper and digital sheets instead of in my heart. I wonder how many other people need to empty themselves. I know that God wants my pain, I know that he is near. He is using this pain to draw me even further into relationship with him and for that I am thankful.

Looking forward I want things to be different, which is one of the reasons I started this blog – to share with you my failures so you can learn from them instead of making them yourself. My joy has me looking forward to a day where I get to experience heaven again with my future spouse: who I want to make feel loved, appreciated, and cherished. Until then, I will continue working on becoming the best version of myself so I can have an extraordinary marriage.

What do you need to work on?