Come as you are.

In my last post I wrote about how we are all changing, how we are all becoming like something or someone whether we know it or not. Today I want to talk about the concept of “come as you are, but don’t stay as you are.”

If you are like me you have probably wondered why God allows bad things to happen to good people. What benefit could there possibly have been to Job to experience the loss of all of his wealth, all of his children – a complete and total deconstruction of his life. I will make it a little more personal: what benefit could there possibly be for the Lord allowing me to walk through the death of a child, two miscarriages, liquidation of our business, bankruptcy, and separation? My circumstances may not have included back-to-back servants running to me, but we did experience all of this in one year. It was a lot.

I admire Job so much. Even in all of his plight, even with his three friends giving the worst counsel I have ever heard, he still honored God. We are lucky to have perspective offered to us by scripture. We get to see that what was happening to Job was a bet between God and Satan about what would come out of Job when he was squeezed. (As total sidebar, it is very interesting to me that God made a “bet” with Satan. I think what we can glean from this is how true it is that only God knows our hearts.) The Bible says our hearts are exposed through outflow of our mouths, in my opinion it is only when we face discomfort and trials that we are truly squeezed. This is why I wrote, “we adapt to our surroundings, we become like the people we spend time with, we become what we consume.” The contents of our hearts are revealed through the trials of our lives.

We should look at trials as opportunites to take a true temperature of our hearts:

• Why did I respond that way, Lord?
• Why do I feel “X” about this?
• What is the root emotion that I am feeling, and what potential idol does that reveal in my life?

Below is a resource that we use in Re:Generation to help people get to the root of what they are feeling. My first encounter with this was through Re:Gen and using it has dramatically improved my emotional IQ. As a man I was never really in touch with my feelings mostly because feelings are complicated and they felt overwhelming. My resolve, like most men, was to compartmentalize what I was feeling instead of dealing with it. This emotionally stunted approach prevented me from being the type of husband I wanted to be, and so I encourage you (especially if you are a man) to get to the root emotion of your feelings as this will dramatically improve your ability in relationships across the board.

As you raise your emotional IQ you will notice wounding/trauma in others and be equipped to help people walk through their own emotions. This is a relfection of discipleship.

Job’s friends were not equipped to help him walk through the trials. They showed up with condemnation, strong convictions, and confrontation. This is why God said to Eliphaz, “I am angry with you and your two friends because you have not spoken of me what is right as my servant Job has.” (Job 42:7). God is gracious and good, and when we fellowship with him we become those things too.

Friend, God wants you to come exactly as you are today to fellowship with Him. He will change you over time: The contents of your heart, the priorities of your mind, the demeanor of your personhood. Becoming like Jesus requires fellowship with Jesus. I hope you choose fellowship with Jesus today and if I can be of any assistance, please do not hesistate to reach out to me.

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Final note for the dudes: Your wife can only feel as safe with you in the bedroom as she does with you emotionally. If the emotional safety is lacking, the sex will be too. I encourage you to checkout Bob Gerace’s Real Man Revolution to get in touch with your emotions, embrace true masculinity, and become a man who is capable of leading his wife.
Final note for the ladies: You have the superpower of helping your husband grow into his fullest potential. How you speak to him matters. You can activate his Hero Gene with your words. I encourage you to checkout Laura Doyle’s The Ridiculousy Happy Wife.