Date Kate: Application

⚠️ Terms & Conditions of Application ⚠️
Application Does Not Equal Approval
Submitting this form does not guarantee approval, consideration, or acknowledgment. Honestly, it doesn’t even guarantee we’ll read it without laughing.
Know Thy Opponent
Kate is not just “a handful.” She’s the full Costco-sized bulk pack of personality, sarcasm, and emotional judo. If you think you’ve met a “savage woman” before—no, you haven’t. Kate invented the genre.
Survival Rate Disclosure
Past applicants have reported symptoms including, but not limited to: bruised egos, spiritual confusion, and questioning every life decision that led them here. We are still looking for a success story. None have been identified.
Unreasonable Standards Clause
Kate’s taste is like the Wi-Fi signal in a concrete bunker—impossible to detect, constantly shifting, and known only to herself. If you think “having a job” and “being nice” is enough… think again, peasant.
Immediate Disqualification Criteria
Usage of pickup lines containing the words “angel”, “heaven”, or “Netflix”.
Any mention of crypto, CrossFit, or “the grindset”.
Referring to yourself as “a nice guy”.
Poor taste in memes (this one’s non-negotiable).
Emotional Liability Waiver
By applying, you agree that your feelings, dignity, and social reputation are entirely your own responsibility. Kate’s savagery is not subject to refunds, appeals, or pity.
Probability of Success
Statistically, your odds are currently worse than being struck by lightning while winning the lottery on Mars.
Good Luck… You’ll Need It.
May the odds, the memes, and your emotional resilience be ever in your favor.

Fair warning, by clicking “send” you understand that your application will be decided upon by a panel of five judges made up entirely of her brothers. There is also a chance your application will be read at our weekly family dinner to an audience of 30+ people.